Donald Rumsfeld Is Giving The President His Daily Briefing.

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
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President’s Library Destroyed by Fire A tragic fire on Sunday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second one.
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The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'~ Ronald Reagan

A Texas prosecutor has issued subpoenas...

A Texas prosecutor has issued subpoenas for bank records and other information of a defense contractor involved in the bribery case of a California congressman as part of the investigation of former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

District Attorney Ronnie Earle issued subpoenas late Monday afternoon for California businessmen Brent Wilkes and Max Gelwix, records of Perfect Wave Technologies LLC, Wilkes Corp. and ADCS Inc. in connection with a contribution to a fundraising committee at the center of the investigation that led to DeLay’s indictment on money laundering charges.

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The Case Was Brought Before A Wise Judge

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the godless and assigned their sharpest attorneys to the case.

The case was brought before a wise judge who after listening to the long, passionate presentation of the ACLU lawyers, promptly banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!"

The lead ACLU lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances.

And the Jews--why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah ...and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!"

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said

"Obviously your client is too confused to know about, or for that matter, even celebrate the atheists' holiday!"

The ACLU lawyer pompously said "We are aware of no such holiday for atheists, just when might that be, your honor?"

The judge said "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---

April 1st!"

Leave My Child Alone!

Leave My Child Alone!

The New Recruitment

It is not a surprising confluence of events — opinion polls show support for the Iraq War waning and military recruiters working harder to fill their quotas. In November, 2005, the Government Accountability Office released a study which showed, "the military is falling far behind in its effort to recruit and re-enlist soldiers for some of the most vital combat positions in Iraq and Afghanistan."

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No Child Left Behind

The June 2005 issue of HARPER'S MAGAZINE published some excerpts from a high school recruiting manual. Among the instructions: "Contact the seniors in the early spring. The end of their lives as high school students is approaching fast. This is the time reality sets in. For some it is clear that college is not an option. If you can make the appointment for a sales presentation on the first contact, then do so." The manual suggests frequent re-contacting of students throughout their high school years.

Read the manual online. *pdf

Leave My Child Alone!

Advocacy group opposed to the release of information through the No Child Left Behind Act.

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Did you know…
... that the notorious No Child Left Behind Act includes a sneaky section that requires high schools to turn over private information on students to military recruiters?
And that the Pentagon has created an illegal database of 30 million 16-25 year-olds, including names, addresses, email addresses, cell phone numbers, ethnicities, social security numbers, extracurricular activities, and areas of study?
Yikes. What do we do? Any way you look at it, this is a family privacy nightmare, another strong-arming of our local schools, and a creepy warm-up to a possible draft. However, it's also a great reason to get together and take action.
So, whether you're a parent, teacher, school administrator, veteran or just another adamant American concerned about privacy rights, look for an action that you like and JOIN US!

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The Costs of War, A Mother's View

By Teri Wills Allison

Java

Java

Art by Ann

Caffeine perks up your brain.

Brain scans confirm what many coffee drinkers already know - caffeine perks them up.

Caffeine is the world's most widely used stimulant, according to the research presented at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America. Global daily consumption of caffeine averages 76mg, equal to one-and-a-half cups of coffee. In the United States, average consumption is 238mg per day, equal to that found in four-and-a-half cups of java.


In monetary terms, coffee is the second most traded commodity in the world, trailing only petroleum. Coffee is one of mankind's chief sources of caffeine, a stimulant.

~ BackyardPit, A Legalized Junkie

Growing Problem for Military Recruiters: Parents

Ann Sarrantonio, at a school board meeting in Accord, N.Y., voiced objections to military recruiting at school. (NYT Photo/Tara Engberg)

Rachel Rogers, a single mother of four in upstate New York, did not worry about the presence of National Guard recruiters at her son's high school until she learned that they taught students how to throw hand grenades, using baseballs as stand-ins. For the last month she has been insisting that administrators limit recruiters' access to children.

Read the full story

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The Costs of War, A Mother's View

By Teri Wills Allison

Christmas

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason; they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Read Before Clicking On The Link.

This is from Europe and a pretty good one; but I'm sure everybody I know will be able to find all 3 differences between the 2 pictures!

There are two identical pictures that will appear on the screen. Over 8,000 people were tested to see if they could find the three (3) differences and only nineteen (19) found them. See how observant you are, and if you find all three (3) differences, you are one of the most elite people in the world.

Link

ONE BILLION $1,000,000,000

The next time you hear someone in government rather casually use a number that includes the word "billion", think about it. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend.

One advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:

A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

A billion days ago no creature walked the earth on two feet.

And a billion dollars lasts 8 hours and 20 minutes at the rate our government spends it.

~ Kaye

Friend or Fowl?

Gary Brookins

By MadMustard

Karl Rove’s, Potion Number Nine

Photo, About.Com

Rove Potion Number Nine

I took my troubles down to Tom DeLay
He’s that dude with the insect spray
He's got a pad down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine
Sellin' little bottles of, Rove Potion Number Nine

I told him that I sucked at pol-i-tics
I've been this way since 1996
He looked at my palm and he made a magic sign
He said "What you need is, Rove Potion Number Nine"

He bent down and turned around and gave me a wink
He said "I'm gonna make it up right here in the sink"
It smelled like turpentine, it looked like Indian ink
I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink

I didn't know if it was day or night
I started slimin’ everyone in sight
But when I kissed a cop down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine
He broke my little bottle of, Rove Potion Number Nine

Audio "Love Potion Number Nine"

By MadMustard