September 30, 2005

Jabber Jabber or Geek-Talk

Howdy y’all, this is a hoot.
Jabber Jabber or Geek-Talk

September 29, 2005

DeLay Court Appearance Set for Late Oct.

DeLay Court Appearance Set for Late Oct.

Thursday September 29, 2005 8:31 PM


Associated Press Writer

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) - A Texas judge on Thursday ordered Republican Rep. Tom DeLay to appear in court next month to face the charge that he conspired to funnel corporate money to state political campaigns.

The summons calls for DeLay to appear in the court in Austin on . Oct. 21, court officials said.

A grand jury indicted DeLay and reindicted two of his associates Wednesday in an investigation of a political fundraising group DeLay founded, Texans for a Republican Majority.

Prosecutors allege the group was used to channel corporate contributions to 2002 GOP legislative candidates. Texas law bans corporate contributions in political campaigns, except for administrative expenses.

DeLay was forced to surrender his job as House majority leader, the second ranking post in the House, for now.

DeLay's lawyers have said they do not want him to be handcuffed, photographed and fingerprinted when he appears in Austin.
Bull poo-poo, handcuffed the gangster and throw the key away. War on Terrorist!!! What about a war on these gangster republican terrorist. Try and by $5.00 of gas, all you get is a fart. Will someone pickup my Med. for me? I can't afford it. And these republican gangsters are laughing all the way to the bank. This is a good start; now get the rest of the gangster republicans liars! Wake up America! When are you going to stop believing these gangster republican liars?

September 19, 2005


I pulled into a full service gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas. The guy farted, took my five and walked away.

Tom’s Shell, Self Serve
Cash or Credit
Regular: ARM
Plus: Leg
Premium: First Born

September 18, 2005


A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"

"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"

"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."

"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."

September 16, 2005

DWI Test Kentucky Style

Only a Kentuckian could think of this from the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Mt. Sterling Ky. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night) flicked the blinkers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left. At last, the parking lot empty, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken. "I doubt it," said the truly proud Kentuckian. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

September 14, 2005

Never Too Old to Tie The Knot

George, age 92, and Edith, age 89, had been seeing each other for two years when they decided that life was too short and they might as well be together for the rest of their lives. Excited about their decision to become newlyweds, they went for a stroll to discuss the wedding and what plans needed to be made. Along their way, they found themselves in front of a drugstore.
George said to his bride-to-be, “Let’s go in. I have an idea.”
They walked to the rear of the store and addressed the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” asked

The: pharmacist answered, “Yes, sir, I am. How can I help you?”

George: “Do you sell heart medications?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

George: “How about support hose for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

George: “What about medications for rheumatism, osteoporosis & arthritis?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

George: “How about waterproof furniture pads & depends?”
Pharmacist: “Yes sir.”

George: “Hearing, aids, denture supplies & reading glasses?”
Pharmacist: “Yes.”

George: “What about eye drops, sleeping pills, Geritol, Preparation H and ExLax?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

George: “You sell wheelchairs, walkers & canes?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds and sizes. Why all these questions?”

George smiled, glanced shyly at Edith and replied to the pharmacist,
“We’ve decided to get married and we’d like to use your store as our Bridal registry.”


A Texas rancher and his wife. were bickering while vacationing in France. They were still hardly speaking to each other after being seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner. When the waiter arrived the rancher said: "I'll have a big, thick porterhouse steak." The waiter replied: "Monsieur ... what about ze mad cow?" To which the rancher replied, "She'll have a salad."

You Lovers Of The English Language Might Enjoy This

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this!

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing:

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions .

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so.............

Time to shut UP.....! more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U P