"Signs You Smoke Too Much"

1. In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a "cigarette break."

2. Your birthday is a state holiday in North Carolina.

3. Your title for the Surgeon General: "Captain Bring down".

4. Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded.

5. Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap.

6. In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying. "Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts...”

7. You get mattress fires more often than haircuts.

8. You smoke during sex.

9. You refer to nonsmokers as "pink-lunged sissy boys."

10. You explain to the nurse that you didn't realize you were in a "nonsmoking" iron lung.